But enough of my excuses, and back to my burden.
I'm part of all sorts of different things, so don't try to guess who or where or what I'm talking about here.
But I see people talking out of both sides of their mouths so much - and it disturbs me.
Both sides of their mouth? I'm glad you asked what I meant by that.
I see examples of this so often, and it gets to me.
Why does it bother me so much to see other people doing this?
Well, partly because these people claim to be my friends. But they're being nice to the people they badmouth later, too.
It disturbs me because does that mean I can't really trust how anyone acts towards me? Does everyone act this way? And how can I tell who would and who wouldn't?
On another level though, it disturbs me because I have to ask myself if I ever do this to other people, too.
How easy is it to get in a group and start picking verbally on someone who isn't there? How easy is it to mock someone behind their back when your group is all doing it together? It becomes like a group activity, or something.
But then I look deeper.
Do I do this to people in my own mind? I mean do I badmouth people to myself? When I talk to someone, do I have a running commentary in my head that runs opposite of the one I'm revealing to the person I'm talking with? Do I act nice to someone, while holding anger in my heart toward them?
I'm not talking about treating someone right no matter how they treat you. I'm talking about acting nice, while in my heart I have nothing but ill will towards them.
I hope I don't. I pray I don't.
Because as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
What am I in my heart? Because that's what I really am.
And God sees it all. Even if you don't. Even if I don't.
So this is just a reminder to myself, and maybe anybody else reading this, to maybe not worry so much about being 'real' as much as being 'true'. Be truthful to those you're speaking with - truth coupled with love and gentleness - I'm not saying be nasty if you feel nasty. You don't have to speak your entire mind.
But maybe try changing the way you're thinking.
Instead of considering it only TRUE if you speak every negative thought you have about someone - try changing your negative thoughts.
That's all for now - feel free to let me know what you think, too.